I am really lucky. I live a life right now where i am able to travel and see the people that I love and new places and situations and still have a home base...I am blessed. I want to recognize this as I continue to write about hardships that I also encounter. For the last week I have been HOME in Philly, with family and friends. I have been able to have delicious dinners with folks, puzzle time, moments of shear silliness, Purim fun, Shabbat meals, the Lesbian Dorkestra, and more.
I have also been present with my family as my mother's mother, Faye Korman Clark, passes away. As I write this, her heart is still beating, though she is not completely in this world, nor in the hereafter. We wait and try and support each other, make plans, try and ensure she is as comfortable as possible; we wait, amazed by her tenacity to live, to make her heart beat and cling to life. Fay loves life, like no one I've known. She always has a smile on her face for greeting and for conversation, she survived over 15 years of stomach and ovarian cancer. She survived two husbands, including my grandfather Bill Korman. She found conscious and clear moments towards the end of her life to appreciate the outwardly beautiful parts of her family, including finding the ironic clarity to tell me last week, all of a sudden, that my hair looks good .. I mourn her as her heart continues to obstinately beat, because she is not living life as she would choose. Tomorrow I will go to see her and once again say my goodbyes. I leave for Israel/Palestine monday and will miss the family mourning period. This is a hard choice, yet I do believe that were grandmommee able to perceive the situation, she would want me to live life as fully as I deem fit and to embrace to situation I find myself in instead of fighting it. In the end though it is about making decisions for myself and taking everything into consideration that is good for me and that match my values...
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